by Mark Parker
10. He owns a Watusi-Piedmontese-Murray Grey-Holstein-Scottish Highlander bull with a 60-inch vertical leap and excessive libido.
9. His “wildlife habitat” just south of you has enough johnsongrass to reseed the Northern Hemisphere.
8. He dotes on his wife—a fact not lost on your wife.
7. He gets more rain when it’s dry, less rain when it’s wet.
6. He trades pickups every year.
5. His dog has a knack for chasing cows and staying just out of range.
4. He drops by as you’re heading to the field and spends an hour telling you why you should’ve voted for the other guy.
3. His kids never get into trouble.
2. Because he irritated the county commissioner you haven’t seen a road maintainer since 1983.
1. He doesn’t have a darn thing you need to borrow.
