Parson, Kansas —
10. Always refer to a field that’s not located along a road.
9. Practice saying, ‘Well, yield monitors don’t lie.’
8. Allow the other guy to mention his yield first and then add 7.25 bushels.
7. Hint that you’ve been tweaking your secret high-yield recipe for some time now.
6. The coup de grace is mentioning that the field in question is actually a little smaller than you thought so your b.p.a. has actually been higher for the past 37 years.
5. It’s critical that you write the ‘enhanced’ yield on the bottom-side of your cap bill so you can keep the story straight.
4. Do not push your luck by also claiming 15 percent protein content.
3. When they ask what variety it was, look smug and say, ‘I’m really not at liberty to say.’
2. It’s a nice touch to add, ‘I can’t imagine what it woulda made if the neighbor’s cows hadn’t got in it a week before harvest.’
1. Above all, make sure that neither your landlord nor your lender is within earshot.
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June 29, 2010
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