by Mark Parker
10. Encourage your neighbor to buy top bulls and cut a hole in the fence.
9. Give all the cattle to the hired man and make him pay you by the hour.
8. Tie fly swatters to cow tails and say to heck with the ear tags.
7. Sell open, old, unsound cows, cows that get out, cows that don't raise a good calf, cows that are ill-tempered, and cows that irritate you in any way—then take real good care of the two or three that are left.
6. Bale up and ammoniate the neighbor kid's marijuana patch for emergency forage—he'll never say a word.
5. Booby-trap the neighbor’s big bale trailer so bales fall off as he drives by your place.
4. Wear a sign on your back that says, "kick me if I start to expand my herd."
3. Rent out cows as pasture art to city folks who buy country acreages.
2. Buy marginally-fertile bulls, paint numbers on the cows’ backs and sell pregnancy chances to gamblers in the casino parking lot.
1. Check with the vet to see if he'll half-way cure your cows for half his usual fee.
